Stories from today at the flats...

Fishing for poo: A lovely little lady, who I have a big soft spot for, left me a series of little surprises today around the communal bathroom. A couple on the floor and three in the bath water; culmunating in a comedy scene involving both said lady and I, both giggling, each with a plastic jug in hand, chasing spherical little poos around in the water.
The E.R. eye-pop: Following THAT episode of ER there seems to have been mucho discussion amongst us all about eyeballs coming right out of their sockets... Chatting to an amazing 94 year-old lady today I remarked that she seemed to have had a lot of operations.
Her: "Oh I've had my gall-bladder done, my guts, this part of my arm is artificial because I sliced it off on the radiator, I've had my eye-balls out and new retinas sewn in..."
Me: "Really? They took them out?"
Her: "Oh yes. They wanted to put me to sleep but I wasn't having that-I wanted to know what was going on."
Me: "You were awake?!? Weren't you scared?"
Her: "No no- I'd waited a year for that operation, I was glad. They took one out at a time, rested it on your cheek-bone. [Deadpan] You wasn't to sneeze or nothing like that, that've been the death of you. The nurse said to squeeze her hand if I wanted the machine to stop, but I thought 'what'd I want it to stop for? It'd only have to start again...' "
Me: "Blimey. You haven't half been through the wars poppet"
Her: "They thought I was dead once. Then I woke up."
The parable of the residential home: The same 94 year old lady was chatting about a friend she made 4 years ago when recovering in a residential home for a summer after fracturing her pelvis. She had been put in a respite room with a 96 year old lady called Elsie who had shattered her hip-bone and was awaiting a replacement. Elsie, who, my friend insists was a wonderful lady ("a much better person than me" she said), could barely move from her bed, so my friend would put everything within her reach, cover her with a shawl when it got cold and everyday wash her hands and face for her. Every night, when she heard Elsie stir, she'd get out of bed, make her way across the room and see what she could do for Elsie to make her more comfortable. A 90 year old lady with a fractured pelvis thought nothing of her own pain, tiredness or discomfort, but served her elder-of-6-years all summer. Elsie sent her several letters in the following years, all incomprehensibly illegible, all treasured by my friend in her wooden chest of precious things.