my life

do you ever sit down with a glass of wine and decide your life is weird?
Some reasons why my life is weird:
-Every day I get to work and have completely non-sensical conversations with dementia-sufferers (eg. at 9am this morning I offered a lady breakfast and she assured me it was bed time; i then found an old gentleman in the corridor who wanted me to tell him which door led to the bar!)
-my gay dog has turned out to be a wife beater (yes, today he attacked Toby, his premiscuous dalmatian bed partner) - I may write to Ryan from the OC and ask if Dom can have 1 of his vests
- my mum was dancing round the house today shouting proudly that her boobs are not droopy yet
-my new hobby: knitting a scarf, has become like The NeverEnding Story but without the labrador-dragon-thing (actually my life would be a whole lot weirder WITH the dog-dragon, ...incidently- have you ever noticed how the dog-dragon in The Never Ending Story 2 is played by an entirely different puppet?? How many dog dragon actors ARE there? Was the original dog-dragon fired over a wage dispute? Or because he was on the drink?)
-I have been volunteered to sing at a village fundraiser with Barry, the man that walks the dogs (I am envisaging a Dibley-type affair: me+ a band of big-bearded ukelele-players)
-I want to be whole-heartedly to be thin, fit and healthy, but at the exact same time I have a passionate desire to find every food item in the house with a fat content of 40% plus and gorge my face with it until I can't move. Ever again.
-I think I am having a serious co-dependent relationship............. with my television.
-I now feel so attached to Eric, the dead spider on my bathroom floor, I can't bring myself to remove him. (When I use my hairdryer, his little legs get blown around in the hot air, and it looks like he's dancing...ah, sick or funny...such a fine fine line...)